A friend of mine has a real soft spot for animals. By which I mean that she finds all animals cute, including the zombie dogs in Resident Evil, the giant killer bears in Fallout, etc. It’s an endearing quality, and a reminder that the majority of people you meet have a quirk or two. One of my bigger quirks is that I am hopelessly attracted to crazy women. This goes a bit deeper than my fondness for bloody women. Show me a possessive, controlling, and emotionally damaged girl I can’t get there fast enough! A side effect of this preference is that I often develop crushes on the deadly crazy girls in the horror films I watch. What follows is a list of my top 10 psycho crushes.
I just recently discovered this one, but she captivates my imagination. Despite being part of a dreadfully unwatchable movie, her intense stare draws you in. If memory serves her only line in the film is “I like you.” The rest of her performance involves her reacting to everything as if it was foreign to her, followed by her stripping naked and tearing the men at her disposal to bits.
Gabriela is not the most crazy girl on this list, but she does have her moments. She has a fascination with murder, which she documents in a scrapbook. Her career choice allows her further outlets for her odd hobby. She takes to crime scene cleanup with childlike glee. She is a bit odd, and her hobby would likely put most people off. That said, she is a cheerful and very nice woman to be around.
She started out as a junkie at the wrong place at the wrong time. She has a bit of a change of heart after being the first person to survive one of Jigsaw’s games. She becomes the right hand man, as it were, to the puzzler himself. She takes things a bit further, even, as she has a penchant for creating no win deathtraps, unlike her mentor.
Bride of Chucky
Jennifer Tilly has always been a favorite of mine. So when she took the role of Tiffany, a murderess with an obsession with the my buddy doll responsible for the murders in the Child’s play universe, I couldn’t have been happier. Upon restoring Chucky’s soul to the doll she offers up her boyfriend for the kill. I feel I should mention, that my fondness is only for the flesh and blood Tilly. When she becomes a doll as well, I want nothing to do with her.
Pauline is a troubled young girl. She has a distaste for authority, and a controlling mother. She is also an amateur surgeon with a bit of a blood fetish. Reality is not her native land, as she spends most of her time in her head mounting cadavers and fantasizing about menstrual sex, in which her blood soaks the bed. I felt a bit of a kinship with Pauline, as I have been the weird kid for quite some time. In the right environment, her delusions of grandeur could be fun instead of dangerous, but being surrounded with so many unsympathetic people nurtures her into what she eventually becomes.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer(tv series)
The Buffy the Vampire Slayer show host a large cast of characters. None have I fancied more than the vampire Drusilla. She is insane, and often acts like a child who sees things that aren’t there. She balances this by being remarkably evil. She’s quick to kill, and inspires the same viciousness in the men that seek her affections. Drusilla’s faux innocence is something I find quite charming, and the random things she says make me smile. If you have to be with an evil immortal being, you could do a lot worse.
House of 1000 Corpses and Devil’s Rejects
Baby is part of a family of murderers. Along with her mother, father, and brother she kidnaps tortures and kills just about anyone that comes across her path. She attempts to keep the mood light with flirtation. This doesn’t usually prove to be terribly effective with her victims, as they tend to be a bit too petrified with fear. I have always found Sheri Moon Zombie extremely attractive, and this character is quite enticing, you know, if you look past the whole murder aspect.
May is a bit of a loner. She doesn’t quite fit in. Over the course of the movie she makes quite a few new friends, but is sadly let down by all of them. Her bad luck piles up and she snaps. She decides to make a perfect companion by collecting the body parts of her friends and lovers that were perfect. She sews all them together only to realise she doesn’t have any eyes for her friend, so she digs one of her own out for him. It is my belief that had may not encountered only the biggest assholes in her area, she would have made a kind and loving girlfriend. Her being a serial killer was a combination of a slight mental disorder and the horrid behavior of the people in her life.
2. Wednesday Addams
The Addams Family and Addams Family Values
Wednesday Addams is quite possibly the perfect woman. She always dresses as though there a funeral to go to. She has the most amazing sarcastic and sadistic sense of humor. Everything from her serial killer trading cards to her fondness of execution methods endured her to me. It has been pointed out to me that she is a bit young, but my Wednesday will always be Christina Ricci who is about 5 years older than me.
1. Julie Walker
Return of the Living Dead 3
Julie Walker was a girl in love, until getting a bit handsy on a motorcycle caused an accident that claimed her life. Luckily her boyfriend know where to get his hands on some trioxin, the chemical that brings the dead back to life. Julie wakes up confused and frightened. She finds that she has a hunger that she can’t satiate. It isn’t until she sees a store clerks brains get blown out that she realizes her hunger is for that of human brains. Her wits still being about her, she finds a way to curb the hunger by self mutilation. By then end she is about the most badass/ disturbing zombie you have ever seen. I saw this movie when I was quite young, so it is hard to say if this movie spawned, or merely coincided with my fondness for red heads, body modification, goth girls, and zombies. A valid argument could be made either way, but as Julie embodied so many of the things I love, along with starring in one of my favorite movies, she holds the spot in my heart reserved for the #1 crazy bitch.